The coworker from Hades

Pre-post message, this blog post was not inspired by a worker from Malawis (in case my fellow coworkers are reading this) but from other places I work, volunteer, or organizations I am involved in.

Dear Coworker,

I hate your stinking guts. 

You make me vomit. 

You are the scum between my toes. 

Love, 

Me

They walk into work. And so, it begins. 

You are having a rather peaceful evening. I guess you could take a walk in the park, observe nature, write your feelings in a journal, think about your significant other, dance around work, and love the joys of life. It's going good, and then They. Walk. In.

What's their problem? Who do they think they are? Walking in and stuff. Stop that. Just the presence of them breathing makes your skin crawl. You're waiting for them to accuse you of something or order you around. 

" Stop that. Do this. Do that. Stop doing that. You're doing it wrong. Do it again. Stop trying. " 

Your once content evening is now a bottomless pit of hell-fire burning your happiness away as you sink lower and lower. They whip their chains of hatred and misery around. Work was so good, what happened?

There's always that one. There will always be that one. 

I normally have better solutions to problems in my blog than I will tonight. Tonight i'm taking a different approach... So if you were looking for a post about "They are fighting their own battle, so just be nice to them" or "turn the other cheek" you came to the wrong place... well this time. 

So here are my three solutions 

Watch them like a creep. It bugs them. 

That's right. Stare at them and smile. They will become self conscious and won't know why. I don't mean follow them around but just give them that smile like you know something they don't. It's wonderful.   

Second tip: 

Forget everything you knew and give every question you get to that special coworker of yours. That's right. EVERY question. Say politely, "I'm sorry I don't really know the answer to that question but my all-knowing, wise, wonderful, happy, willing, and capable coworker would probably love to explain that to you" This one should be taken with caution in case you could be perceived as someone who is incapable of your job. Just do it for a while (without being too obvious). 

Third tip: Start helping them for the rest of the night with their responsibilities without being asked. 

That's right, help them. 

Chances are you will feel better, but it will bother them that you could be doing better than they are. 

Follow these steps and by the end of the night they will go home and watch reruns of one tree hill while eating ice cream and wondering what happened in the world. By the time they come back into work, they will be more willing to work with a happier aura. 

So yes, this post kind of is about learning to deal with coworkers. Which, in all reality we all need to learn. There will always be that one coworker... 

And the best way to deal with them is getting to know them better. 

But these steps could give you a good laugh for a day :) 

Good luck to all you high school kids and your jobs!