Satan Conjured Up This Beautiful Thing We Call Procrastination

CONJURE : make (something) appear unexpectedly or seemingly from nowhere as if by magic. [just in case someone was a bit confused

I sit in my room and see this beautiful cellular device slowly drawing me in. It's practically calling out my name and beckoning me to hold off on an assignment and get up-to-date on the latest what's what and who's who. It's a deadly poison that seems to be intoxicating my better judgment and the only thing I can do is to follows it's sweet aroma of pure satisfaction. In fact, if I have 2 hours left to finish I can totally hold off another hour. I then, as if mechanically, reach for the phone and enter deep into a world of no return and succumb to the darkness (or brightness of the screen whatever). 

THIS IS REAL. THIS IS IT. THIS IS A HUGE CHALLENGE. 

Back in high school I used to think success was really about how fast and late you can get something done before it's too late. At least, that is how I aced my classes. I was a talented procrastinator, as I think we all are in some ways. It's as if there's part of our souls that long to hold off, be lazy, cram it in later.

 If you are wondering if this blog post is a result of me procrastinating homework, you are correct. I'm facing it, which is the first step. 

STEPS (do these now.. i'm serious. Don't procrastinate... start now. start. I'm not being hypocritical.. I'll start these steps after this post... okay. But really, do this now)


Recognize the fact that you got a problem, a start moving towards changing it. Turn off the phone, the music, move to a new place with a new environment.. change something. Make goals, refocus. Pray.. or meditate. 




Take SMALL (emphasis on the small) breaks along the way. Set a timer on your phone or whatever on how long of a break you need that you have time for. Take breaks so that you can relax and clear your head and get the phantom vibrate under control. 





Remember to not get too discouraged when you fail sometimes. The more you beat yourself up over procrastinating, the more and more you desensitize yourself from the fact you are doing it. No one wants to feel pain and disappointment because eventually they will feel nothing at all. Keep your head up and keep trying. 

If nothing is working, write on a blog about your procrastination. It actually motivates you a lot more. . . . 

PROCRASTINATION CAN BE AVOIDED EVERYONE. WE CAN DO THIS. 

AND WE CAN DO THIS... NOW. :) 

My High School Blog is now a COLLEGE BLOG

If you were super interested in my high school survival posts, you haven't seen anything yet. College survival is something completely different and more interesting because... it's actual survival. Literally. I've never had more frozen foods/canned food in my life. The freshman 15 is real guys. ANYWAY.

Yes everyone, it happens.

The anticipation, the tears, the memories, the parties, the GRADUATION.

You get the diploma and though it represents a journey coming to a close, I think it really means a new journey, new opportunities, new lives. 

Moving in is super easy because you are excited and would run marathons to get out on your own, but maintaining that cleanliness and order in the dorm is some other challenge.

I never thought (along with my friends) that I wasn't prepared for college. I thought I had prepared myself in every way possible for this huge life change, but you have no idea until you are sitting alone in your dorm, piled with homework, ward responsibilities, family parties, mission call openings... (well this is BYU life at least) what it is really like.

This life is new and exciting so I thought... hey! Why not start a college survival blog? Talking about food ideas, cleaning ideas, studying ideas... funny stories and insights. We all have stories and things we want to say so please email me at nkkschmidt@gmail.com if you have any clever ideas or stories you want me to include in this new project!

This blog is for others. I really really really don't want to post about my experiences and views every time I post something on here. In my mind it would be cool to have more community input [just like from the high school blog] than anything.

Well I hope this blog doesn't only give insight into the BYU experience, but hopefully the freshman (and continued) experiences we have.

Hall Monitors Straight From Hades

One of the biggest high school problems we have to face.

HALL. MONITORS.

I'm not talking about the friendly people you meet the first day of school.

No, Those People ARE NOT REAL.

You add 5 more school days and suddenly the inner demon crawls out from their soul and takes over. I can hear them down the hall, during class, during lunch, while I'm driving to lunch from school.. I swear I still hear their screeching from half a mile away.

They are worse than your mother, worse than a counselor wondering when you are finishing your online classes, worse than that one kid who waits to answer every one's questions to the teacher in your class, and yes... even worse than Carrie Underwood at acting.

When they seem nice, they aren't. Anything you say to them as your "confidant" or "amigo" will be used against you. They only act nice to get information out of you. They are the very vilest of sinners.

So instead of just venting out my soul I'm going to tell you guys a little bed time story

ONCE UPON A TIME. ..

In the Halls of Mountain View High School there was girl. We will call her Nikki S., No.. N. Schmidt. Anyway N. was heading to her second period class and was a little late. She had been talking to her first period teacher about some grade stuff and maybe a guy in his second period was really attractive and she wanted to talk to him... hypothetically of course. Anyway, on a rather happy state of mind, she started walking briskly to second period. She was almost to her class when she was stopped suddenly.

There stood the hall (optional inserts here: demon dragon devil) monitor.She asked, "Where is your class?"
"Oh, it's right over there!"
"The bell already rang, why aren't you there?"
"Sorry I was talking to my first period teacher"
"You had five minutes you could have made it."

What do I say at this point? These came to my head:

 or



so I went with the obvious choice! The best comeback ever.

"It won't happen again I'm sorry."

Okay it was the worst. I succumbed to her evil ways. I let her win the battle.

and when I say "I did this and that" I mean "I" as in "N."



So N. Fought back the next day.

As she was walking to her fourth period class the next day she heard a hall (death eater, villain, party killer) monitor yell at some girls about how she could run faster than them. The monitor said
"It's sad that honestly I walk so much faster than you. Cause I actually hurried to classes when I was in college"
And under her breath N. said
"You must've done good at college cause now you're a hall monitor, congratulations"

And I ran. I ran for my life.






THE END.



So it was kind of anti-climatic. But the point here is.
Walk faster than hall monitors before they eat your soul and spit it out... and eat it again.

Oh, and find out which corners they are hovering at and AVOID THEM.

And never ever ever, under any circumstances

 

TRUST THEM.

TOHI AND I HAD A DOORSTEP SCENE

Even though the title was not true, this is a post about.. in fact...

 

THE NOTORIOUS DOORSTEP SCENE

 

I like to refer to my friend Dave Barry. He wrote a book about the complete guide to guys. He talks about the different thoughts going through a boys head and a girls head. Us girls are so complex and take every single emotion boys do and twist it into some conclusion, where as boys are usually thinking of one thing or another and don't really think much of what we did or said in the first place.

 

Why am I saying this?

 

Because in the back of every girl's mind, after a dance/date, they will always wonder if there will be a doorstep kiss. Always. 100% of the time.

 

 

But the truth is, most guys don't think like that. If they like you, there will be a kiss. If they don't, there won't be. (Well sometimes they get scared if they like you, but they don't over analyze like females do)

 

 

 

To girls it doesn't matter if we like you or not, we will wonder if you make the move. We make plans in all scenarios  

(a) I guess I could kiss him back?

(b) I will hug him as fast as I can to make sure he knows I don't want more.

(c) If he's not making the move, I will pull a "hitch" and start wrestling with my keys.

(d) I will kiss him on the cheek.

(e) Well we had a really nice time, but maybe he will think i'm his girlfriend, maybe I will make it clear I don't want a relationship, but I still I want him to kiss me, so I'll make it clear before hand, and if he tries I will still let him kiss me ... <---- Blah Blah Blah. We are SO complicated.

 

BOYS THOUGHTS:

(a) I like her -----> Kiss her if I don't chicken out

(b) I don't like her -------> Quick hug, maybe a little pat on the back to insure the friend zone and run.

 

 

With school dances I have this theory.

 

We have all heard about people getting doorstep kisses, and even though that's 1/100 chance, we always think we will get lucky.

 

Now here, for your entertainment, are some of the best and worst doorstep scenes I heard from different people or about myself

 

BEST

--------------

 

"Even after we hugged at his door, he walked me back to my car just to open my door"

 

"He kissed me. 2 years later we are still together"

 

"He picked me up and spun me around and thanked me a ton for coming with him"

 

"After the dance, right before my door he spun me and dipped me and then kissed me"

 

"She just said how much fun she had and couldn't want to hang out with me again soon. I guess it just showed me she actually had a good time"

 

 

WORST

----------------

"I totally threw up all over my dress and his suit"

 

"He didn't even get out of the car. He just stared at me and said 'so you getting out?' After our first date"

 

"She said she didn't want me to walk her to the door to avoid the awkward doorstep scene. Like, I wasn't even going to try anything"

 

"I slipped on the ice going up to my door"

 

"He tried to get a kiss. But he missed"

 

"Pretty sure he tried to have a make out sesh, like no. Get off me"

 

"I shook his hand and ran"

 

"I put forth 100%. I pretty much attacked him by kissing him because I was sure he wanted to kiss me. False. Indeed, he did not."

 

"I peed my pants right when he tried to kiss me. On our first date"

 

 

 

ADVICE FOR THE DOORSTEP SCENE

Keep the conversation light and going all the way up the door, no need to walk in solemn silence. This isn't a morbid experience, well not unless it was an awful date. If they asked you on the date, make sure to give them a solid hug especially because it probably took courage to ask you. If you asked them, make sure you don't act like asking them was the wrong choice.

 

All in all, a kiss will happen if it's supposed to happen.

 

Don't plan it, don't stress it, don't worry about it.

 

And never, ever, ever

 

Kiss on the first date. It may or may not turn out like this:



 

Well folks, good luck with all the door step scenes you'll face from now until marriage. I wish you all the best. Over n' out.



THE WINNER OF THE BEST STYLE AWARD GOES TO..

JUST A REMINDER, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU. PLEASE COMMENT, EMAIL, or GET A HOLD OF ME FOR OPINIONS, STORIES, OR TOPIC IDEAS. I want this blog to be for and about everyone and not just about my single-minded mind and opinions

There are plenty of moments in life I just contemplate.

Today I was thinking about style. What even is style? I swear i've heard people say 100 different people with different styles have the best style they've ever seen. 

WHY IS FASHION SO DIFFICULT. 

Remember when white jeans that were stitched were the thing? Polka dots? Peace signs? Flowers? Sparkly?  Colored Jeans? 

WHY DOES IT CHANGE. 

So deciding that I just can't live off of other people's opinions from high school because well, quite frankly, everyone has a different view of style. 

so here is the world we live in people, this is our "good fashions" 

I became more educated from Google.  

SEARCH: Good Style

SEARCH RESULTS: 

 

I call this "The Confident Homeless Person"  

I call this "Torn between Professional and 20-years-younger"

What. 

I would've said something, but the picture spoke for itself

I call this 

"Wearing my boyfriends clothes including his 10-year-old hat from halloween"

AND THE WINNER OF THE BEST STYLE AWARD GOES TO.... 

This is what we need to wear to school to survive people, google told me fashion is essential. And well,

Here you go. 

The coworker from Hades

Pre-post message, this blog post was not inspired by a worker from Malawis (in case my fellow coworkers are reading this) but from other places I work, volunteer, or organizations I am involved in.

Dear Coworker,

I hate your stinking guts. 

You make me vomit. 

You are the scum between my toes. 

Love, 

Me

They walk into work. And so, it begins. 

You are having a rather peaceful evening. I guess you could take a walk in the park, observe nature, write your feelings in a journal, think about your significant other, dance around work, and love the joys of life. It's going good, and then They. Walk. In.

What's their problem? Who do they think they are? Walking in and stuff. Stop that. Just the presence of them breathing makes your skin crawl. You're waiting for them to accuse you of something or order you around. 

" Stop that. Do this. Do that. Stop doing that. You're doing it wrong. Do it again. Stop trying. " 

Your once content evening is now a bottomless pit of hell-fire burning your happiness away as you sink lower and lower. They whip their chains of hatred and misery around. Work was so good, what happened?

There's always that one. There will always be that one. 

I normally have better solutions to problems in my blog than I will tonight. Tonight i'm taking a different approach... So if you were looking for a post about "They are fighting their own battle, so just be nice to them" or "turn the other cheek" you came to the wrong place... well this time. 

So here are my three solutions 

Watch them like a creep. It bugs them. 

That's right. Stare at them and smile. They will become self conscious and won't know why. I don't mean follow them around but just give them that smile like you know something they don't. It's wonderful.   

Second tip: 

Forget everything you knew and give every question you get to that special coworker of yours. That's right. EVERY question. Say politely, "I'm sorry I don't really know the answer to that question but my all-knowing, wise, wonderful, happy, willing, and capable coworker would probably love to explain that to you" This one should be taken with caution in case you could be perceived as someone who is incapable of your job. Just do it for a while (without being too obvious). 

Third tip: Start helping them for the rest of the night with their responsibilities without being asked. 

That's right, help them. 

Chances are you will feel better, but it will bother them that you could be doing better than they are. 

Follow these steps and by the end of the night they will go home and watch reruns of one tree hill while eating ice cream and wondering what happened in the world. By the time they come back into work, they will be more willing to work with a happier aura. 

So yes, this post kind of is about learning to deal with coworkers. Which, in all reality we all need to learn. There will always be that one coworker... 

And the best way to deal with them is getting to know them better. 

But these steps could give you a good laugh for a day :) 

Good luck to all you high school kids and your jobs!

My mom said I was flyest.

What. The. Heck.

I've grown up all these (17) years with my mom telling me I was FLYEST. 

She never said prettiest, nicest, cutest, smartest, 

she said....

flyest. 

So instagram. There's this page called "Mountain Views Real Flyest". I saw it and thought

DUH, Me. I'm Fly. AND REAL. 

Because my mom said so. 

But there were 25? EXCUSE ME? Twenty. Five. That's right, 24 other people sharing my spotlight. 

MINE.

I mean, HELLO? 

Look at me.

Was it not obvious enough?

Where is my glory, my fame, my... #1 spot? 

Okay, obviously that was fake (or was it). 

So for those of you who don't know, there is a new page on instagram called MV's flyest. They number the top 25 hottest girls from our school.
So for this post I will make my opinion not stand out to any of you. I will take the side of 3 different people looking at this sight, and give some suggestions to ya'll. 

#1 The girls who hate the site

Why. Why not you? You think you're prettier than at least 7 of those girls, right? You think wow. What about this person I know who is prettier? and this person? This person shouldn't even be on this list because she is NOT PRETTY. 

Okay, Take a chill pill home skilley. 

You are beautiful! This is ONE person's opinion, ONE. This isn't really "mountain views" opinion. To that person you are not in their 25! To someone else you might be #1, #6, #9008, #5, #20... So seriously. CALM DOWN. It is one person's opinion who made this dumb, dumb, dumb page. 

#2 The girl who is on the site and suddenly loves it

cool, bro. 

#3 To the individual who made the site

Congratulations! You have successfully ripped the other 97% of mountain view's girls hearts to shreds. For me, I never cared. I knew to someone else I might be fly.... I mean flyyyy. To you, I'm not. and I am OKAY with it. 

But i'm one of the few girls. There are lots of girls who hoped every day they would make it onto your site. There are so many pretty girls at our school, why limit it to 25? I wish you would just post your opinion on your OWN instagram page and be real about it. It's ironic that it's MV's REAL flyest, when the person who made it is hiding behind their phone spreading drama throughout the school. 

For the sake of everyone's sanity, I say you should take it down. Or at least spotlight pretty girls, not rank them. No one wants to be "ranked" above OR below someone, and I bet,whoever you are, neither would you. 

To end this post.

Fly? What the crap does that even mean? 

You say fly, and then post the hottest?

Anyway, Mountain View is freaking out with all these instagram pages. I'm happy to see all these sites that aren't numbering people anymore but honestly. There are too many to keep track. 

Mountain View's Real Flyest

Mountain View's Sexiest

Mountain View's Hottest

Mountain View's Nicest 

I will applaud Briana when she makes the 

Mountain View's Best Eyebrows

Who cares if you don't make it on these pages? Just remember to sing this and you'll be fine.